couple of jokes!

[pyro]

The Pope is on a tour of America. A guy sidles up to him and says "Your eminence, a company I represent who wish to remain nameless will provide a significant amount of money to the Catholic Church, if you will change a few words in the Lord's Prayer."

The Pope asks "What words?" and the guy says "We would like it to say 'Give us this day our daily fried chicken', that's all."

The Pope can't believe his ears. "That's all!! You want to defile one of the central prayers of the Christian faith!"

"10 million dollars," says the guy.

"Absolutely not," says the Pope.

"20 Million then," says the guy.

"I really don't see how we can - " says the Pope and the guy interrupts. "Thirty million dollars, your eminence. Think of all the good work the Catholic Church can do with that."

The Pope thinks and finally gives in. He returns to Rome, gathers all his senior clergy together in the Vatican and says, "Good news and bad news. The good news is, we have a lot of money for the Church. The bad news is, we have lost the Hovis account."


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Best Christmas Cookie Recipe EVER!!


Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

Ingredients:
1 cup water
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups dried fruit
1 (750 ml) bottle tequila (Jose Cuervo or your other favorite brand)


Directions:

1. Sample the tequila to check quality.
2. Take a large bowl; check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
3. Pour one level cup tequila and drink.
4. Turn on the electric mixer.
5. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
6. Add one peastoon of sugar.
7. Beat again.
8. At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is not flat, so take a sample
9. Turn off the mixerer thingy.
10. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
11. Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.
12. Mix on the turner
13. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
14. Test the tequila to check for tonsisticity.
15. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.
16. Who geeves a sheet.
17. Add one table.
18. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
19. Whatever you can find.
20. Greash the oven.
21. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
22. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
23. Finally, throw the bowl through the window and finish the quetila
24, Turn out the lights and call the cops.
25. Cherry Mistmas!

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there is another not sure if its suitable!
no swearing just lots of inuendos!!
??
ben