SOund financial advice to sort the economy out!

[pyro]

I pinched this of an arb forum, looks pretty relaistic to me!

Just been sent this excellent fiscal advise:

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.


Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.


Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:



* If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka .


* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.


* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .



* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Israel, Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ..


* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .



* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .



* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.


Instead, keep the money in the UK by:


1) Spending it at car boot sales, or

2) Going to night clubs, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or whisky or

5) Tattoos.


(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )


Conclusion:

Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night.


No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.


Ben

[MCHUDD]

Hi mate.
Option number four wins hands down.
Cheers Mark.

[CBA]

Warning irony, sarcasm and satire. Some swearing too. something that will work?
revolution.
big kick ass revolution.
we all already have tanks..
I mean, ok theyre no torturing people like in egypt.. oh they are.
But its no like food prices are skyrocketing.. well erm..
and the police arent heavy handed and killing/brutalising people.. oh err...
taxes are fair at least?
youre guaranteed a top class education even if your dad isn't an embezzling so and so.. Oh wrong again. But, the water is safe at least? Oh crap. our health service is good though... And in these times the banks are being made to pay out for their mistakes as well as students, the elderly and infirm, oh thats not right at all. Well.. At least chav scumbags will lose their ipod's if they beat up too many old ladies, without chavs having their ipod's confiscated it would be total fucking pandemonium!