Me mate just got a classic VW Beetle. Hes stuck parsley, thyme, sage and marjoram all over it.
Its a Herby replica.
Thank you!
...........
Worst joke ever......
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volvosneverdie
- *** V3M DONOR ***
- Posts: 9143
- Joined: 11 Nov 2008 04:22 pm
- Location: Newcastle Upon Toon
Re: Worst joke ever......
My neighbour recently gave birth to a boy.
I went to see them in hospital and she explained it was a difficult birth.
She handed me the child and said,"do you want to wind him?"
Thinking that was a bit harsh I gave him a deadleg instead.......
Surprisingly on the way home I saw a RAC man throwing his arms about,beating the steering wheel and crying.
I can only presume he was heading for a breakdown.......
I went to see them in hospital and she explained it was a difficult birth.
She handed me the child and said,"do you want to wind him?"
Thinking that was a bit harsh I gave him a deadleg instead.......
Surprisingly on the way home I saw a RAC man throwing his arms about,beating the steering wheel and crying.
I can only presume he was heading for a breakdown.......
Keeper of The Knights' of Bushido-lest we forget
Write it in your heart.
Stand by the code and it will stand by you.
Ask no more and give no less than honesty,courage,loyalty,generosity and fairness.
The code of the West.
Write it in your heart.
Stand by the code and it will stand by you.
Ask no more and give no less than honesty,courage,loyalty,generosity and fairness.
The code of the West.
-
volvosneverdie
- *** V3M DONOR ***
- Posts: 9143
- Joined: 11 Nov 2008 04:22 pm
- Location: Newcastle Upon Toon
Re: Worst joke ever......
I said to our lass "I keep having the urge to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight, by Tight Fit"
She said
"Well I suppose its only a whim-away...."
She said
"Well I suppose its only a whim-away...."
Re: Worst joke ever......
Apparently,the best way to make a cup o' tea is to agitate the bag.
So,every morning I slap our lass on the ass and say,"milk and sugar,fatty."
Keeper of The Knights' of Bushido-lest we forget
Write it in your heart.
Stand by the code and it will stand by you.
Ask no more and give no less than honesty,courage,loyalty,generosity and fairness.
The code of the West.
Write it in your heart.
Stand by the code and it will stand by you.
Ask no more and give no less than honesty,courage,loyalty,generosity and fairness.
The code of the West.
-
volvosneverdie
- *** V3M DONOR ***
- Posts: 9143
- Joined: 11 Nov 2008 04:22 pm
- Location: Newcastle Upon Toon
Re: Worst joke ever......
Speaking of tea,
I went for a job in a warehouse.
The foreman said "can you make tea?"
I said aye, no bother.
He said "can you drive a fork lift truck?"
I said,
Jesus! how bigs this fukcin tea-pot like ??!!
I went for a job in a warehouse.
The foreman said "can you make tea?"
I said aye, no bother.
He said "can you drive a fork lift truck?"
I said,
Jesus! how bigs this fukcin tea-pot like ??!!
Re: Worst joke ever......
Me dog ran off last night.
Searched high and low for 20 mins.
Saw a neighbour who said,"you'll just have to look harder."
Shaved all me hair off,got a crap tattoo and walked the streets with a can of LCL.
Still can't find the bugger.
Searched high and low for 20 mins.
Saw a neighbour who said,"you'll just have to look harder."
Shaved all me hair off,got a crap tattoo and walked the streets with a can of LCL.
Still can't find the bugger.
Keeper of The Knights' of Bushido-lest we forget
Write it in your heart.
Stand by the code and it will stand by you.
Ask no more and give no less than honesty,courage,loyalty,generosity and fairness.
The code of the West.
Write it in your heart.
Stand by the code and it will stand by you.
Ask no more and give no less than honesty,courage,loyalty,generosity and fairness.
The code of the West.
-
volvosneverdie
- *** V3M DONOR ***
- Posts: 9143
- Joined: 11 Nov 2008 04:22 pm
- Location: Newcastle Upon Toon
Re: Worst joke ever......
Got pulled over by the coppers last night.
He said "When was the last time your tyres were checked?"
I said
"Never. theyve always just been black."
He said "When was the last time your tyres were checked?"
I said
"Never. theyve always just been black."
Re: Worst joke ever......
I was at a party last night, and the DJ played "Sit Down" So we all sat down! He then played "Jump Around." So we all jumped around! Then he put on "Come On Eileen"... I got thrown out.
* Disclaimer
One of the above statements may or may not be true - but probably not.
Mors Principium Est
Now a proud member of YCHJCYA2PDTHFH club
One of the above statements may or may not be true - but probably not.
Mors Principium Est
Now a proud member of YCHJCYA2PDTHFH club
Re: Worst joke ever......
I was in the queue for the cash point when a little old lady turned around and asked,"can you help me check my balance?"
Not wanting to offend I gave her a gentle shove and she fell over.
Not wanting to offend I gave her a gentle shove and she fell over.
Keeper of The Knights' of Bushido-lest we forget
Write it in your heart.
Stand by the code and it will stand by you.
Ask no more and give no less than honesty,courage,loyalty,generosity and fairness.
The code of the West.
Write it in your heart.
Stand by the code and it will stand by you.
Ask no more and give no less than honesty,courage,loyalty,generosity and fairness.
The code of the West.
-
volvosneverdie
- *** V3M DONOR ***
- Posts: 9143
- Joined: 11 Nov 2008 04:22 pm
- Location: Newcastle Upon Toon
Re: Worst joke ever......
There was a knock at the door tonight.
I opened up and there were two policeman.
One showed me a photo of our lass.
" Is this your girlfriend? " he said.
" Yes " I replied.
He frowned. The air was thick with tension. They both shuffled uncomfortably and looked to the ground.
" Sir, Im affraid it looks like shes been hit by a bus. " Said the other one.
" I know lads, I know. But shes got a great personality. "
The end.
I opened up and there were two policeman.
One showed me a photo of our lass.
" Is this your girlfriend? " he said.
" Yes " I replied.
He frowned. The air was thick with tension. They both shuffled uncomfortably and looked to the ground.
" Sir, Im affraid it looks like shes been hit by a bus. " Said the other one.
" I know lads, I know. But shes got a great personality. "
The end.
Re: Worst joke ever......
What does a JK Rowling book and pippa Middleton have in common?
It's highly likely that Harry will be in it at some point
It's highly likely that Harry will be in it at some point
* Disclaimer
One of the above statements may or may not be true - but probably not.
Mors Principium Est
Now a proud member of YCHJCYA2PDTHFH club
One of the above statements may or may not be true - but probably not.
Mors Principium Est
Now a proud member of YCHJCYA2PDTHFH club
Re: Worst joke ever......
A 90 year old man is standing on the street corner crying
A policeman asks him why he is crying
He says
My 25 year old wife brings me breakfast in bed every morning and then shags me
She also shags me after dinner in the evening.
The policeman then says
Well why are you crying then
and the old man says
i can't fucking remember where i live.
Cheers Mark.
A policeman asks him why he is crying
He says
My 25 year old wife brings me breakfast in bed every morning and then shags me
She also shags me after dinner in the evening.
The policeman then says
Well why are you crying then
and the old man says
i can't fucking remember where i live.
Cheers Mark.