hey guys , its that time of year again

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you may or may not remember these but its interesting to see whose still around and who we have lost for one reason or another , enjoy









v3m version of rock and roll christmas (by Gary Glitter )


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Christmas
christmas
christmas

start the car, its not far
the january meet should be a laugh
freezing cold ,in cars so old
there aint much chance that they'll be sold
got to get the stuff for Gemmas car
coz that girl is such a star
in fact shes an astronomar
but she wont pose for the calendar

its a rock and rolling volvo
the suspensions gone to pot
what I need is brand new shocks
the type you adjust from up on top
another rock and rolling volvo
bushes and lowering blocks
better call Dai ,I know he'll try
to source it from his massive stocks


Adams playing with his dash,
if it dont work give it a bash
but watch the road or else youll crash
scuse me while I go for a sl*+h
Now im back
lets get on track
of xmas cheer there will be no lack
roasting chestnuts on the fire
no more wood use a part worn tyre

its a rock and rolling volvo
the suspensions gone to pot
what I need is brand new shocks
the type you adjust from up on top
another rock and rolling volvo
bushes and lowering blocks
better call Dai ,I know he'll try
to source it from his massive stocks
_________________

[redline]

300 mania version of the twelve days of christmas


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on the twelth day of christmas my true love gave to me

a 360 GLT ( not pink !!! lol)

11 power steering

10 working air con

9 electric windows

8 lecky mirrors

7 full body kit

6 trip computer

5 VESA RIMS

4 leather interior

3 auxillary gauge panel

2 econometer

and an ambient temperature gauge
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[redline]

Good king whatisname v3m style


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Good king 5 lab
he looked out
on the feast of stephen
he aint got a 300 now
thats why he was grieving
Brightly shone the moon that night
though the frost was cruel
when poor FOGGY came in sight
looking for some fu-u-el

A ford mondeo aint the same
no more side ways action
thats the trouble with ford cars
theyve got to much traction
if our Hugh is very lucky
hell find in his stocking
a set of keys for a GLT
then he will be ro-o-cking

[redline]

Oh Little band of rally boys
amongst the V3M
theres Bilbo Chris and little Nick
and then theres Carl and Sven

They love to race through forests
amongst the flowers and trees
they spend long hours plotting the course
dedicated men are these

With billy shocks and dampers
the cars handle so well
the only problem that they have
is a nav who cannot spell

cibies blazing through the night
to light there lonely way
they spend so much time in there cars
you might think they're gay

we'd all like three point harnesses
and roll cages are swell
short shifts , kwik racks and bias brake valves
that help you drive so well

brake fade is there biggest fear
and blow outs on the route
but bumps and scrapes are day to day
and they don't give a hoot

But poor Nick is not happy
his cambelt just went ping
he's bent his valves so he's off the road
probably until late spring

but He will be back out there
giving it his all
coz one thing about rallying
its certainly a ball
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[redline]

About 25 years ago in the dutch town of Born,( In the shadow of the dutch daf/volvo factory) there lived a young woman called girl racer, she was engaged to a young carpenter named Pete Farrell ( all carpentry / cabinet making work undertaken , free estimates )

One day an angel called Duvel appeared before girlracer and told her she had been chosen to have a special baby, the baby would be a god among volvos , a 2 litre injection , vario with a redline interior and it would be called jesus christ thats fast in reverse.

Soon after Duvels visit , Girlracer and Peter were married ( sorry Dai writers licence).
Girl racer was due to have her baby when they were told they had to go on a long journey to Swansea .

This was because Pete had forgotten to renew the SORN's on all his cars ,the dvla system was down and the postman were on strike .

Girl racer had to ride on a donkey (well in a 300 diesel to be precise ) for a few days which isn't great for a girl whos about to drop

At last Girl racer and Pete arrived in Swansea, It was crowded because the MK dons were playing Man Utd in the fa cup at the millenium stadium in nearby Cardiff.

Girl racer was really knackered and needed a place to stay but at each Inn the story was the same, There was no room for them,

Then a kindly volvo Independant mechanic ( labour at £25.00 an hour all servicing work and mots ) said he had a small lockup where he kept his tools , they could stay there.

So after making a three piece suite out of Steve-p's old interior and a crib from an oil drum they settled down to watch midnight mass from Westminster Abbey on the BBC.

After a few hours and a lot of screaming girlracer finally gave birth to her son in the garage.

She wrapped baby jesus christ thats fast in reverse in an V3m t-shirt ( yeah right, like thats ever gonna happen ) and laid him gently in the oil drum.

At the same time on a hillside overlooking Swansea , three sheep shaggers were looking for there next victim ( or girlfriend as they prefer to call them ), There was Dai with his lubricated poly bushes, Rupert (still looking like the bloke from on the busses )and of course 5Lab the perviest of them all.

A bright light appeared in the sky ( wasn't a 300 headlight then ) It was the angel Carl with his Hella grille , The sheep shaggers shat themselves.

Carl said fear not , a god among volvos has been born this night and they would find him in Swansea, and after leaving them each a change of underwear he left .

The sheep shaggers went to the garage and worshipped the v3m tshirt as they thought they would never see one and they were filled with stella at the sight of the 2 litre injection vario with the redline interior.

They told Girl racer how Carl had visited them and said that Jesus christ thats fast in reverse would be the saviour of Volvo in Europe.

there were three wisemen far,far away in the east , cornholio , redline and fidgad , they were so wise they already had 340 redlines in there drives.

but not quite so Far away in the East, A wise lady called Petravius was watching the nightsky through her telescope ( actually she was a voyeur looking at the dogging session in the council car park oops theres Steves car interior again)

She saw a new star and ,with the two wise men ,Pettaw and his polished block and Foggy James the gauge guru ( butter fingers )they headed to Swansea with three priceless gifts , an auxillary gauge panel , a snowcap and foggy had a 2 gallon can of unleaded .

They went and saw king dekay the pink (Its red!!! oh no it isnt , oh yes it is )and asked where the god among volvos could be found , dekay got off of the throne wiped his a*!e and said "I dunno , but if you find him come back and tell us "

for he planned to commit all 300's to the scrapyard ( bugger should have given 5lab this part )

The wise persons ( gotta be p.c. these days )sensed a trap so they didnt go back ( not that they would find there way with the cheap medion sat nav they were using )

girlracer and Pete went back to Born and produced lots of other 300 derivatives over the years (including a van ) but none quite as special as

Jesus christ thats fast in reverse


HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

[redline]

jingle bells V3M stylee


Racing round the track
in a 3 door 34 oh
driftings such a crack
as round and round we go

Bennets on his way
with his welded diff
sliding cross the track
coz his suspension is so stiff

OHH V3M V3M
Here we go again
One of redlines christmas carols
from his beer sodden brain
Ohh V3M V3M
here we go again
wont somebody stop him
coz hes giving me a pain

Sam 340's here
with his nice new lowering blocks
He's shat himself so much
hes's nearly filled his socks

Pimp is back on course
his five link set ups swell
He go's round and round the track
like a bat just out of hell


OHH V3M V3M
Here we go again
One of redlines christmas carols
from his beer sodden brain
Ohh V3M V3M
here we go again
wont somebody stop him
coz hes giving me a pain

Ali's just turned up
with his new roll cage
everyone admires his car
coz driftings all the rage

Chunk wants to join in
he's getting quite upset
his patience wearing thin
coz his car aint ready yet


OHH V3M V3M
Here we go again
One of redlines christmas carols
from his beer sodden brain
Ohh V3M V3M
here we go again
wont somebody stop him
coz hes giving me a pain

tyres are screaming help
as back ends break away
black marks are all around the track
at Bovingdon today

budget driftings cool
the 300's just the tool
makes owners of more expensive cars
look like a bloody fool

OHH V3M V3M
Here we go again
One of redlines christmas carols
from his beer sodden brain
Ohh V3M V3M
here we go again
wont somebody stop him
coz hes giving me a pain

[redline]

Introduction ,

Over the past eight months we have had our very own bright star in the East .(well Needham Market ) by the name of Mac who, despite illness in the family has always been there to help so ( without wishing to appear at all gay ) here is my little tribute to him.

Away in his workshop
Mac is scratching his head
the gasket kit has alloy screws
they want stainless instead

Now Mac is the master
he's not easily fazed
so he gets out his stainless screws
and the kit price is raised

His cvt tester
is pure genius
we are all just so grateful
that he's one of us

His diagrams are clear
and easy to read
He always makes time for you
He's one of a breed

There is nothing he dosen't know
about volvo cars
what he didn't learn while working
he's picked up in bars

He loves getting dirty
stripping down his old bits
like four speed gear boxes
and dodgy old diffs

He passes his knowledge
freely and with glee
and he looks just like santa
with a child on his knee

We thank you dear Maccy
for all that you've done
to help maintain 300's
seem almost like fun

[Chris_C]

Good to see you've not become same yet Mick Couple of those had me in stitches