Friendly jokes

Post by **jtbo** » 17 Sep 2008 05:32 pm

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes sir.'

Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

Post by **clitti** » 18 Sep 2008 12:08 am

I heard a story about a lad who was given a stop and search by a policeman and the conversation went thus;

Q: I am going to do a search for drugs on you.

A: You won't find anything like that on me officer because drugs killed
my brother.

Q: What ! Did he die of an overdose?

A: No,he went to score some weed and got run over by a bus......!

Anyone else got some good retorts?

Post by **Disgusted** » 18 Sep 2008 07:40 pm

Three women are at the pearly gates waiting to go into heaven, and St Peter says "come on in, but be very careful not to tread on any of the ducks".

They go on in, and there are ducks everywhere. They try to avoid them but one of the women steps on a duck. St Peter turns up with the ugliest man they have ever seen and says "because you have troden on a duck, you will be chained to this man forever". And he chains them together.

The other two women try really hard to avoid the ducks but one of them treads on one eventually. Again, St Peter ties her to another horribly ugly man.

The last woman does everything she can to avoid the ducks, and after a few days, St Peter turns up with a very handsome man, and ties him to the woman, saying nothing. The woman says "I don't mind, but what have I done to deserve this?"
The man replies "I don't know, all I did was tread on a duck".

Post by **sven360** » 18 Sep 2008 07:49 pm

Not really a retort more a fact of life................

Light travels quicker than sound.That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.