the nativity V3M stylee
Posted: 23 Dec 2005 10:32 am
About 25 years ago in the dutch town of Born,( In the shadow of the dutch daf/volvo factory) there lived a young woman called girl racer, she was engaged to a young carpenter named Pete Farrell ( all carpentry / cabinet making work undertaken , free estimates )
One day an angel called Duvel appeared before girlracer and told her she had been chosen to have a special baby, the baby would be a god among volvos , a 2 litre injection , vario with a redline interior and it would be called jesus christ thats fast in reverse.
Soon after Duvels visit , Girlracer and Peter were married ( sorry Dai writers licence).
Girl racer was due to have her baby when they were told they had to go on a long journey to Swansea .
This was because Pete had forgotten to renew the SORN's on all his cars ,the dvla system was down and the postman were on strike .
Girl racer had to ride on a donkey (well in a 300 diesel to be precise ) for a few days which isn't great for a girl whos about to drop
At last Girl racer and Pete arrived in Swansea, It was crowded because the MK dons were playing Man Utd in the fa cup at the millenium stadium in nearby Cardiff.
Girl racer was really knackered and needed a place to stay but at each Inn the story was the same, There was no room for them,
Then a kindly volvo Independant mechanic ( labour at £25.00 an hour all servicing work and mots ) said he had a small lockup where he kept his tools , they could stay there.
So after making a three piece suite out of Steve-p's old interior and a crib from an oil drum they settled down to watch midnight mass from Westminster Abbey on the BBC.
After a few hours and a lot of screaming girlracer finally gave birth to her son in the garage.
She wrapped baby jesus christ thats fast in reverse in an V3m t-shirt ( yeah right, like thats ever gonna happen ) and laid him gently in the oil drum.
At the same time on a hillside overlooking Swansea , three sheep shaggers were looking for there next victim ( or girlfriend as they prefer to call them ), There was Dai with his lubricated poly bushes, Rupert (still looking like the bloke from on the busses )and of course 5Lab the perviest of them all.
A bright light appeared in the sky ( wasn't a 300 headlight then ) It was the angel Carl with his Hella grille , The sheep shaggers shat themselves.
Carl said fear not , a god among volvos has been born this night and they would find him in Swansea, and after leaving them each a change of underwear he left .
The sheep shaggers went to the garage and worshipped the v3m tshirt as they thought they would never see one and they were filled with stella at the sight of the 2 litre injection vario with the redline interior.
They told Girl racer how Carl had visited them and said that Jesus christ thats fast in reverse would be the saviour of Volvo in Europe.
there were three wisemen far,far away in the east , cornholio , redline and fidgad , they were so wise they already had 340 redlines in there drives.
but not quite so Far away in the East, A wise lady called Petravius was watching the nightsky through her telescope ( actually she was a voyeur looking at the dogging session in the council car park oops theres Steves car interior again)
She saw a new star and ,with the two wise men ,Pettaw and his polished block and Foggy James the gauge guru ( butter fingers )they headed to Swansea with three priceless gifts , an auxillary gauge panel , a snowcap and foggy had a 2 gallon can of unleaded .
They went and saw king dekay the pink (Its red!!! oh no it isnt , oh yes it is )and asked where the god among volvos could be found , dekay got off of the throne wiped his a*!e and said "I dunno , but if you find him come back and tell us "
for he planned to commit all 300's to the scrapyard ( bugger should have given 5lab this part )
The wise persons ( gotta be p.c. these days )sensed a trap so they didnt go back ( not that they would find there way with the cheap medion sat nav they were using )
girlracer and Pete went back to Born and produced lots of other 300 derivatives over the years (including a van ) but none quite as special as
Jesus christ thats fast in reverse
HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE
the names used in this story are almost totally real any offence caused is deeply regretted (especially if you didnt get a part )
One day an angel called Duvel appeared before girlracer and told her she had been chosen to have a special baby, the baby would be a god among volvos , a 2 litre injection , vario with a redline interior and it would be called jesus christ thats fast in reverse.
Soon after Duvels visit , Girlracer and Peter were married ( sorry Dai writers licence).
Girl racer was due to have her baby when they were told they had to go on a long journey to Swansea .
This was because Pete had forgotten to renew the SORN's on all his cars ,the dvla system was down and the postman were on strike .
Girl racer had to ride on a donkey (well in a 300 diesel to be precise ) for a few days which isn't great for a girl whos about to drop
At last Girl racer and Pete arrived in Swansea, It was crowded because the MK dons were playing Man Utd in the fa cup at the millenium stadium in nearby Cardiff.
Girl racer was really knackered and needed a place to stay but at each Inn the story was the same, There was no room for them,
Then a kindly volvo Independant mechanic ( labour at £25.00 an hour all servicing work and mots ) said he had a small lockup where he kept his tools , they could stay there.
So after making a three piece suite out of Steve-p's old interior and a crib from an oil drum they settled down to watch midnight mass from Westminster Abbey on the BBC.
After a few hours and a lot of screaming girlracer finally gave birth to her son in the garage.
She wrapped baby jesus christ thats fast in reverse in an V3m t-shirt ( yeah right, like thats ever gonna happen ) and laid him gently in the oil drum.
At the same time on a hillside overlooking Swansea , three sheep shaggers were looking for there next victim ( or girlfriend as they prefer to call them ), There was Dai with his lubricated poly bushes, Rupert (still looking like the bloke from on the busses )and of course 5Lab the perviest of them all.
A bright light appeared in the sky ( wasn't a 300 headlight then ) It was the angel Carl with his Hella grille , The sheep shaggers shat themselves.
Carl said fear not , a god among volvos has been born this night and they would find him in Swansea, and after leaving them each a change of underwear he left .
The sheep shaggers went to the garage and worshipped the v3m tshirt as they thought they would never see one and they were filled with stella at the sight of the 2 litre injection vario with the redline interior.
They told Girl racer how Carl had visited them and said that Jesus christ thats fast in reverse would be the saviour of Volvo in Europe.
there were three wisemen far,far away in the east , cornholio , redline and fidgad , they were so wise they already had 340 redlines in there drives.
but not quite so Far away in the East, A wise lady called Petravius was watching the nightsky through her telescope ( actually she was a voyeur looking at the dogging session in the council car park oops theres Steves car interior again)
She saw a new star and ,with the two wise men ,Pettaw and his polished block and Foggy James the gauge guru ( butter fingers )they headed to Swansea with three priceless gifts , an auxillary gauge panel , a snowcap and foggy had a 2 gallon can of unleaded .
They went and saw king dekay the pink (Its red!!! oh no it isnt , oh yes it is )and asked where the god among volvos could be found , dekay got off of the throne wiped his a*!e and said "I dunno , but if you find him come back and tell us "
for he planned to commit all 300's to the scrapyard ( bugger should have given 5lab this part )
The wise persons ( gotta be p.c. these days )sensed a trap so they didnt go back ( not that they would find there way with the cheap medion sat nav they were using )
girlracer and Pete went back to Born and produced lots of other 300 derivatives over the years (including a van ) but none quite as special as
Jesus christ thats fast in reverse
HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE
the names used in this story are almost totally real any offence caused is deeply regretted (especially if you didnt get a part )
